how can u be prego again
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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