I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
