Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's the barista slut.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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