if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
