I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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