I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
