I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
