I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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