she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
