I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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