He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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