My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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