i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
