Pappa wants mamma naked
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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