I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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