everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
