Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
