why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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