so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
