THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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