another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
