btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
