He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
