i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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