Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
