I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
