i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
