he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
