you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
