my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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