Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
