so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
