i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
