RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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