So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
