His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
