Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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