You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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