Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
