I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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