FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
