we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
