I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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