I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
