Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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