No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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