I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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