Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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