Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
