This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I understand Curling. That high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
