Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
