This girl is more easily done than said...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
