how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
