The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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