Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
