Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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