Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize