Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
