sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
