Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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