u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I could fuck to npr.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
