..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
