So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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