According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
