Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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