Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
