i would punch a child for taco bell
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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