there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize