How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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