You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
