Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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